Picture this: a highly sociable person—gregarious, expressive, transparent, enthusiastic, with a broad smile, sharing faith easily, has no difficulty in meeting new people, and participates in any number of activities. Does this sound like the perfect Christian to you, the only one who is truly a follower of Jesus?
Western culture values extroversion over introversion, to an extent that most people, even introverts, consider Jesus to be an extrovert. That assumption makes it difficult for introverts to accept and confirm their own behavioral preference as legitimate and valuable. They may tend to see it not as something to be appreciated but as something to overcome. And it may lead extroverts to overlook the strengths and values introverts can offer. If Jesus is considered an extrovert and placed as the epitome of the perfect Christian, a vast number of people will fall short without any prospect of ever being called a Christian. Given that, in Western culture, introverts already struggle in society—school, workplace, and so on—this picture of a perfect Christian extends their struggle to the church. If asked, many introverted Christians will express at least some degree of frustration and sense of exclusion from their church.
Some churches may implicitly expect their members to be constantly together; it is assumed that the more activities and social interaction a person engages in, the closer he or she is to God. The introversion-derived preference to be by oneself is considered antisocial and equaled to lacking in faith. Not conforming to the expectation to share every detail of their life is seen as having a heart resistant to God.
Most churches have structures outside the main worship service, like small groups, prayer meetings, or social events. Participation in them is encouraged, and sometimes it may even be required (even if not openly expressed as such). It gets dangerous as soon as the value for this community life is substituted for the personal relationship with God. Some churches, maybe without noticing, equate spirituality with sociability. The more people you know and socialize with, the more advanced your faith. Introverts, who by nature prefer oneon-one relationships and long to connect on a deep level with only a few people, are easily discouraged by that viewpoint and can easily feel spiritually inadequate.
Many churches put emphasis on the Word, which is perfectly fine. However, it may be that this emphasis on the Word and words in general is narrowing the possibility to reach the congregation. For example, quiet contemplation, which is something necessary for introverts, is hardly ever considered to be important in a worship service.
Often, churches place a high priority on personal evangelism, which, for many people, looks mostly like selling something to a stranger. You have to convince the other with words of your product (the gospel), and the better your talk, the more readily the person “buys” it.
Though exploring the nature of introversion and embracing the gifts one has is important, true healing comes “in probing the depths of God’s nature and discovering the identity and purpose he gives us.”
Often, churches place a high priority on personal evangelism, which, for many people, looks mostly like selling something to a stranger. You have to convince the other with words of your product (the gospel), and the better your talk, the more readily the person “buys” it. This is very difficult to do for introverts, and yet it makes introverts feel a “spiritual guilt” because of their apparent neglect of the Great Commission.
There’s nothing wrong with the points mentioned; they are valued in every church. They are, however, mostly cut out for extroverts, and if nothing else is considered and valued, you run the risk of excluding and repelling many people who have tremendous gifts to offer but don’t find the necessary setting.
HOW INTROVERTS CAN HEAL
Many introverts carry the weight of painful experiences since childhood, aggravated through difficult years in adolescence and adulthood. Often the church did nothing to alleviate but rather contributed to the burden. Healing is necessary—not from introversion, as it’s sometimes assumed, but from the internal wounds, the feeling of being inadequate, and the rejection some have experienced in the past.
Introverted wounds bleed in our minds and hearts and bleed out in our behaviors, actions, and relationships. Our healing program, therefore, must also move in two directions: in and out, deeper and wider. As we seek to embrace our God-given identity as introverts, we journey inward. We seek the freedom and peace of self-acceptance, and we learn to identify and appreciate the gifts we have. But we must also move in an outward direction, into the realms of action and relationships, which will further, and confirm, our healing.1
The inward part may be easier for most introverts, because it is more natural. Recognizing the introversion and accepting it is a big step, and it takes effort. Though exploring the nature of introversion and embracing the gifts one has is important, true healing comes “in probing the depths of God’s nature and discovering the identity and purpose He gives us. Our heavenly Father knows us even more intimately than we know ourselves. He sees us with perfect clarity and is able to speak into those parts of ourselves that no one else can reach.”2
Healing to the outward is necessary as well, but it is important to take not-too-big steps, just at the right pace. Though sometimes others may try to rush introverts on the way, they should not heed the rush. Introverts must feel at home within themselves before they can truly be faithful and go out to meet and care for others. This healing process requires courage, as it means introverts stretch, take risks, and leave their comfort zones. Relating to others (still in a different way than extroverts!) sets them free from misconceptions about others and themselves. They take responsibility for their attitudes and actions. It doesn’t mean at all that introverts are meant to strive to become extroverts. Rather, they are allowed to engage in fellowship in their own ways. It is about stretching their personality preferences without distorting them, looking on the outward but without losing the center.
WHAT CAN THE CHURCH DO?
What can you as a church do to help introverts? Celebrate differences. Help your congregation understand there are different personalities, and allow them to live faith in their own authentic ways. Try different worship experiences. Maybe you could include quiet moments in the worship service, allowing introverts silent contemplation. Allow introverts to use their talents, their creativity. You may want to approach introverts in your congregation and ask them what they would want to see or even do in their church (but don’t make them feel they have to do something).
When churches reach out to introverts, they not only offer healing to introverts but they heal themselves. Introverts have profound gifts to offer, and Christian communities benefit greatly from harnessing the power of introverts among their ranks. Our thoughtfulness, spiritual depth, compassion, and slower pace of life can be elixirs to our churches, antidotes to the superficiality, pragmatism, and frenzied activity that mark our surrounding culture.3
Coming back to the beginning: do you think Jesus was an extrovert or introvert? Actually, the biblical evidence is not very clear on that. As much emphasis is put on words, we are tempted to see more what Jesus said rather than what He did. If you focus on Jesus’ actions, you may find that He often retreated to solitude, especially at critical times. For example, He prayed in solitude before naming His disciples. Though He spoke to thousands of persons at a time, much of His teaching was done in the rather small group of His disciples. And even within this group, He seems to have had closer relationships with only three of them: Peter, James, and John, who witnessed Jesus’ transformation and who were the ones Jesus took with Him when He prayed in Gethsemane just before His arrest.
It seems Jesus was an ambivert, being able to socialize with people but also in need of solitude. This may be good news for all: Jesus, our example, knows and understands both personalities, and He calls and works with both alike. And the church needs both in order to be complete, healthy, and thriving.
1 Adam S. McHugh, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture, 2nd ed. (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2017), 60.
2 Ibid., 61.
3 Ibid., 210
Regina Fleischmann serves in the Ministerial Association of the InterEuropean Division of Seventh-day Adventists, Berne, Switzerland.
