INTRODUCTION
Copernicus, the Polish mathematician whose calculations revolutionized the study of astronomy, was dying. A copy of The Revolution of the Heavenly Bodies was laid in his arms. In those last moments, the great mind saw himself in the presence of God not as a scholar, a scientist, or an astronomer, but simply as a sinner. On his gravestone at Frombork is inscribed his own epitaph: “I do not seek a kindness equal to that given Paul, nor do I ask the grace granted Peter, but that forgiveness which Thou didst grant to the robber. That earnestly I crave.”
Copernicus craved for it, but why do so many Christians find the act of forgiveness so bitter? What did Jesus mean by forgiveness? What are the things that forgiveness is not? How can we practice forgiveness? These questions we will attempt to answer
I. THE HARDNESS OF FORGIVENESS AND THE NEED TO BE FORGIVERS
The answer is plain and painful. The kind of forgiveness we love to sing about is not the only forgiveness that matters. We are called to another forgiveness that often tastes bitter, the kind that flows from us to other people.
God forgives us because of what Jesus has done for us, but then He obliges us to forgive others because of what Jesus is doing for us. The proper match to Jesus’ prayer from the cross, “Father, forgive them,” (Luke 23:34, ESV), is Jesus’ imperative, “And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses” (Mark 11:25, ESV).
The most obvious reason Christians need to be forgivers is the simple command of Jesus Himself. Not only are we told to forgive anyone who has provoked us, but we also learn we cannot enjoy forgiveness ourselves if we are not exercising it toward others.
In the most universal prayer Jesus gave His disciples (Matt 6:9–15), He makes it clear that we can pray for forgiveness only as we forgive those who trespass against us.
Despite all the reasons why we need to be forgivers, we find it infinitely easier to be forgiven by God than to forgive others. The reasons for that cold reluctance are as varied as ourselves and altogether are expressed in “I cannot, just cannot find it in me to forgive them.” We struggle to extend forgiveness because the wrongs done to us by others hurt so much. At the same time, we are not completely sure what forgiveness really is or what it might involve. It is not that we cannot forgive someone, but that we are afraid of what it might cost.
II. WHAT JESUS MEANT BY FORGIVENESS AND WHAT IT IS NOT
What exactly does Jesus expect us to Forgiveness: An Unatural Act Why Is Forgiving Someone So Hard? do in response to His words to forgive if we have anything against anyone?
Three Greek words are usually translated as “forgive.” One speaks about having an attitude of mercy or love (as in Eph 4:32, being tenderhearted and forgiving another). Another word describes the cancellation of an obligation (as in Luke 6:37, forgive and you will be forgiven). But the word that Jesus uses in Mark 11 is the most common New Testament word for forgiveness. Literally, it means to release, to hurl away, to free yourself from something. Jesus uses this word to describe the obligation of His disciples when anyone has wronged them.
To forgive, as Jesus intended the word, means willingly to throw away our resentment at being wronged. This entails not just containing or restraining our resentment, but letting go of it entirely so we can be truly free of its influence. This approach, however, may strike us as phony and sanctimonious, as if we are expected to greet every piece of rottenness dished out to us with a saintly smile and an understanding, “There, there, you didn’t mean that did you?” Because we fear that this is exactly what forgiveness means, we find it unpalatable. We are willing enough to suffer for Christ, but there is something in us that does not want merely to be exploited, even for righteousness sake.
Fortunately, forgiveness means more than just rolling over and playing dead. Forgiveness does not mean pardon. Forgiveness is personal; it refers to the impact an offense has on you and the need to release the resentment you feel. Pardon is legal rather than personal, concerned only with the legal status of the offense; not the relationship between offender and victim. And pardon, unlike forgiveness, means letting someone off the moral hook and releasing them from the punishment they deserve. It is possible to have pardon without forgiveness—a murderer can be pardoned, but that does not mean the victim’s family has forgiven him.
A second thing forgiveness does not mean is excuse. When we excuse someone, we suggest that if he would only understand how a person’s actions were shaped or motivated by environment or genetic makeup, we would see that he or she had no alternative. And it is true that understanding someone’s difficulties or shortcomings can help us forgive. But understanding is not the same as forgiving. Those shortcomings do not negate the fact that fully conscious trespassers remain responsible for what they do. To suggest otherwise means we cannot be responsible for our obedience, either. In that case, Jesus should have said, like machines, they cannot exercise free choice. If this is true, we need not be afraid that in practicing forgiveness we are somehow tolerating wrong or condoning evil. Forgiveness does not mean ceasing to blame, but rather, letting go of resentment. It means being wholly reconciled to those who have done you wrong.
III. THE PRACTICE OF FORGIVENESS
Once we understand what forgiveness is, how do we practice it? For many of us, forgiveness is frightening because we either misunderstand the process of forgiving, or we fear that practicing forgiveness will hurt more than receiving the original offense.
Ethicist Lewis Smedes identifies four stages in the process of forgiveness: The first occurs at the point of our hurt. We have been injured in some way, spiritually, emotionally, or materially, and we feel the injury. Second, we hate. The injury we feel boils into an active resentment of the person who committed the injury. And this, too, is a natural response. Third, we heal. At this point, we finally let go; it is the critical moment of forgiveness. To let go of hatred means we need strength to operate on us that will work entirely in the opposite direction of our hurting and hating. Forgiveness looms as a goal to be worked toward rather than a prize to be grasped, and it is something on which we may repeatedly lose or gain ground. It means spending time in prayer over our hurt, in patiently pushing aside its incessant demand for attention, and watching it shrink slowly into remission. Finally, as we heal, we must then forget. This does not imply some kind of sentimental amnesia. Nor is it possible simply by the force of the will literally to “forgive and forget.” Rather, forgetting means we no longer allow our past resentments to be the judge of the trespasser. Our act of forgetting may become a catalyst for change and repentance in the other person.1
CONCLUSION
George Buttrick says, “A Cross was raised to silence the blasphemy that forgiveness is easy.”2 Reducing forgiveness to a prescription runs the risk of making it sound easy, of course. It is not: the power to forgive must ultimately come from God. But at the same time, it must be pursued, because the whole point of Jesus’ command to forgive dangles on the consequence He draws from forgiveness: “that your Father in heaven may forgive you.”
If you want to know the power of the cross, if you want to see whether that cross still has the power to change lives today, if we want to know what the forgiveness of our sins really means and what it really cost, then we will know those things only as we forgive. And only then will we begin to sample the full sweetness of the word “forgiveness.”
1 See Lewis B. Smedes, “Forgiveness: The Power to Change the Past,” Christianity Today, January 7, 1983, 222–226.
2 George A. Buttrick, The Parables of Jesus (New York: Harper & Row, 1928), 101.
Rex D. Edwards, DMin, is a former vice president for religious studies at Griggs University.
