INTRODUCTION
“For all of the sad words of tongue and pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.’” So wrote John Greenleaf Whittier.
Can we all not identify with that statement? All of us have suffered feelings of regret. We know the pain and agony regret brings into our lives. We keep thinking how really different it all could have been if—, if—, if—. You complete the sentence.
There are at least two kinds of regret. There is the regret caused by making human error: you make an honest mistake, but it may have disastrous consequences, and you have to live with them.
There’s a second form of regret that grows out of deliberate disobedience. We choose a certain lifestyle even though we know it is wrong. A small voice tells us our choice is sinful, but we continue the lifestyle anyway. One day we look in the family album and see what we looked like as a little boy or girl, and we suddenly wonder what life would have been like if our choices had been different.
So what can you do about regret? What response will minimize the agony of regret and help you cope with the memory of missed opportunities or wrong decisions? The Bible provides an example that provides an answer.
Read Luke 22:31–34. This passage sets the stage for a decision that Peter, the disciple of Christ, will deeply regret.
I. THE STAGE
Peter is at the final meal with Jesus. They had what we now call the Lord’s Supper. Then the disciples got into a major argument over who was the greatest among them, a development Jesus used to teach them about servant leadership. Peter must have been a central figure in the argument, for Jesus turned to him by name and warned him that Satan desired to sift him like wheat. Then Jesus said something that came back to haunt Peter, “I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers” (Luke 22:32, NIV).
You know the rest of the story. Peter boasted too much, prayed too little, acted too soon, and almost got himself arrested for cutting off a guard’s ear. Later he followed too far off, considered what he was saying too little, and ended up digging a real grave for himself. The crow of a rooster and a glance from Jesus brought him down to earth. Mark, the Gospel writer, reported the result: “And he broke down and wept” (Mark 14:72, NIV).
II. THE PATH FROM REGRET TO RESTORATION
Peter’s experience provides us with clear guidelines on how to move from regret to restoration—how you can move from bitterness over some experience in your past to blessing. Through the experience of Peter, God draws back the curtain, and offers us four truths that will help us deal with forgiving ourselves.
A. Remember Jesus is praying for you.
When you examine Luke 22:31, you will notice that Jesus addressed Peter as “Simon,” the human being, open to the temptation of Satan.
The reason Jesus prayed for Peter was precisely that he was so weak, that he was the kind of person who could be tripped up easily. You show me a person who cries out to God in the agony of their soul—a person who is fallen and crushed by their sin, who is unstable and unable to get a grip on their emotions, and I will show you a person upon whom the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ may rest.
Significantly, Jesus’ prayer was specifically for Simon. Jesus said “Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail” (Luke 22:31–32, NIV). When wheat grows, it has a protective covering called chaff around the grain. In the winnowing of Jesus’ day, the chaff was separated from the wheat by throwing the mixture into the air while the wind was blowing. Modern harvesting equipment uses a sieve. Peter’s sifting would prove that he was chaff.
Every Christian will be sifted. Satan has made meticulous plans for your downfall. But if you fail, let not the regret over your failure destroy you and your witness. Remember, Jesus is before God as your High Priest and remembers you to the Father.
B. Remember that Jesus understands you.
When Jesus forecast that Peter would deny Him three times, was He trying to prove His omniscience? No! Rather, Jesus knew both the circumstances Peter would get into as well as his weakness. Jesus understood Peter. Likewise, God knows the circumstances that led to your temptation, to your sin, and to your failure as a human being. He has accurate knowledge of every struggle and dilemma that you encounter. That is why He can deal with your regret as well. Jesus knows things about you that you have not even admitted to yourself. That is why He is able to help you cope with regret.
C. Remember that Jesus has compassion for you.
If you have experienced any depth of regret, you will have some idea of the torture Peter must have gone through for the three days after the crucifixion of Jesus. But how did Jesus treat Peter? Look at Mark 16:7 where Jesus is speaking to the women who had come to the tomb. He said to them, “Go, tell his disciples and Peter” (NIV, emphasis added). While the women may not have registered that final phrase “and Peter,” it is clear that Jesus had great compassion and had clearly forgiven the one who had denied Him.
The arms of Jesus even now are reaching out to you in your regret. They are long enough and gentle enough to embrace even the most wayward, backslidden person who has denied the Saviour. I can imagine Jesus has His eyes fastened on you, and He says, “I have compassion on you. I will go out of My way to assure you that you can come back into fellowship with the living God.”
D. Remember that Jesus accepts you and will re-commission you.
The last stage in the restoration of Peter is illustrated in John 21:15–17 where Jesus, in a most tender scene, assigns Peter the responsibility to look after His flock. From a tentative twofold trust to “Feed my Lambs,” to the greater task of “Feed my sheep.” In effect Jesus was saying, “I know I can trust you to be a shepherd to God’s sheep. Don’t let your regret hold you back from the high calling I have given you.” With these new responsibilities, Jesus had restored Peter to his former position of leadership. Regret was replaced by responsibility, indicating full acceptance. Three denials were followed by three affirmations of love. Likewise, if you let the Holy Spirit, He will restore you even while you are experiencing intense regret. He will re-commission you and say, “OK, now strengthen others.”
CONCLUSION
To be able to face and accept oneself is often very hard. But only as we learn to forgive ourselves can we experience selfacceptance and impose self-criticism at the same time. This involves a matter of faith, of truly believing that “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9, KJV). Self-forgiveness depends simply upon our truly believing that God is keeping His promise.
Peter’s move from regret to restoration teaches us how it is done. Accept the fact that Jesus has prayed for you and is now praying for you. Remember that He loves you through and through—every circumstance you are in. Let His compassion flow out to you and embrace you in forgiving love as you honestly repent of what you have done. Relax in His total acceptance of you, no matter what happened to you or how you sinned. Finally, know that He has restored you to fellowship and assigned you new responsibilities. You’ll be surprised at how beautifully God will direct you in the future if you let Him forgive the regrets of your past.
Rex D. Edwards, DMin, is a former vice president for religious studies at Griggs University
