EDITORIAL NOTE
In every society,significant numbers ofpeople are introverts.This is the final of afour-part series tofacilitate a greaterunderstanding ofpeople who areintroverts and how toeffectively minister toand with introverts.
“The evangelical culture ties together faithfulness with extroversion. The emphasis is on community, on participating in more and more programs and events, often with more and more people. It’s a constant tension for many introverts that they’re not living that out. And in a religious world, there’s more at stake when you feel that tension. It doesn’t feel like ‘I’m not doing well as I’d like.’ It feels like ‘God isn’t pleased with me.’”¹
Sometimes it seems the church has taken the extrovert ideal to the extreme. If you don’t show passion for Jesus, and express your love for Him explicitly, it can’t be real love. Is it any wonder that introverts—pastors and elders among them—start to question their own hearts?
Often extroverts are considered the best personalities for leadership. They are gregarious, charismatic, easily meet new people—perfect for leadership, right?
It is interesting to see that biblical descriptions of leadership do not include references to personality type. Instead, it pictures a servant leader and emphasizes character (see 1 Pet 5:1–3; Titus 1:5–8). “The mark of godly leadership is not a magnetic personality; it is discipline, because discipline develops character. . . . True leaders don’t lead out of what others want them to be; therefore, introverts with character will lead as introverts. . . . People desperately want to know that it’s possible to live, act, and work as they are, and introverted leaders who model authenticity will give others freedom to be themselves.”²
If God has called you to be an (introvert) leader in the church, no matter if you are a pastor or elder, youth director, or whatever leadership position, the calling is His. That’s why it has to be protected, and here are some hints that may help you:
Self-care. This is probably the most crucial part to persevere in ministry. So much time and energy are given to the needs of others that introverts especially may not heed their own needs. This, however, will create long-term difficulties, because the less attention they give to themselves, the less they can offer to those they want to serve. Self-care has to be done internally, by seeking wholeness in spiritual and emotional life. This is done by practicing spiritual disciplines like listening prayer, meditation on the Bible, or writing. Most introverts have to fight inner voices that nourish self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy. Spiritual disciplines can help silence these voices, because they give room to God’s voice and let it take on the battle against the negative self-talk. Self-care also needs to go outward, expressed in healthy and healing relationships. Loneliness, the negative part of focusing on the inward, was never intended by God. Though this inner focus and insights coming from the internal processes are valuable, it is necessary for introverts to have a small group of trusted people whom they can talk to and be sure not to be judged. They can help see clearer what one person alone may not be able to perceive.
Scheduling. It is important for introverts (not only leaders) to have an eye on their energy levels. They have to know when and how to save and/or restore their energy. Depending on your situation, you may want to create free spaces for alone time. If it works for you, it can be flexible, like short breaks during the days, depending on the demands placed on you. It also means that sometimes you have to use the “magic” word no and not accept invitations, as appealing as they may be, especially when considering the importance of self-care. However, make sure to give room to “divine interruptions.” This may be challenging, yet can be a learning process and the better you know yourself and your needs, the better you will be at handling special requests.
When God calls you to partner with Him in His church, He doesn’t call you to be someone you are not. Your leading style will by nature differ from that of an extrovert. Do not, at any time, start to believe yours is less valuable. It is absolutely valid to use your strengths. Though you may not be familiar with every single member of the congregation, you may be able to connect with those who need it on a deeper level. Due to your natural inclination to listen more than to speak, you may hear things that others would have not asked, or at least not directly. Actually, this listening ability is something even extroverts come to appreciate, and many of them do value the possibility of deeper conversations than they usually have with other extroverts. Your preference for one-on-one meetings and your inclination to focus on your inner world allow you to connect with God on a very deep level, thus facilitating spiritual insight, which can prove to be a great help for others. Your influence in leadership can help find a balance in worship service. You may contribute to set up worship service as a room where both extroverts and introverts can find their place and feel welcome.
Introverted church members need introverted leaders—as role models, but also as an expression of inclusion.
My hope is that churches will begin to recognize what their worship services are communicating to introverts. An introvert’s way of living and relating and worshiping are not inferior. In some ways they are richer in meaning.
Church life we can miss the larger issues underneath. Just as there is not one shape of discipleship, there is not one model of worship. I would like for congregational leaders to understand that hour-long sermons may overwhelm a sizable demographic of their congregations, and a two-second silence for personal confession may feel like a mere hand wave at people who want to interact with God in a quiet way. In fact, as we find more balance in our worship, it will not only be introverts who benefit. Extroverts too will learn to listen for God in the cracks of their speech and grow in understanding that “in quietness and in trust shall be your strength,” (Is 30:15, ESV).
Though we may often think that a leader has to do everything, this is not true. It’s not even biblical. Leadership is best done in a team. This is good news, especially for introverted leaders. You do not, for instance, have to connect with as many people as possible; you can find a person who is skilled in this area and let him or her do the work for you. Actually, a partnership between introverts and extroverts can prove to be the best leadership team—not only for the church. Their strengths in different areas complement each other and can give a model to both personality types in the church. The key is to have a respectful, healthy relationship between the extroverts and the introverts, where both are aware of their strengths and weak points and support each other.
One last word for churches who are looking for leaders. Here are some questions you may want to ask yourself:
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What are our criteria for good leadership?
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How do we identify and select our leaders? Are we placing too much emphasis on extroversion?
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How important are listening skills?
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Are we open to different kind leaders? Do we also consider those who are thoughtful and contemplative?
Be open to God’s guidance.
¹ Susan Cain, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (London: Penguin Books, 2012), 66.
² Adam S. McHugh, Introverts in the Church: Finding Our Place in an Extroverted Culture (Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity, 2017), 106.
³ Ibid., 159.
Regina Fleischmann serves in the Ministerial Association of the Inter-European Division of Seventh-day Adventists, Berne, Switzerland.
