I live in a strange world. I’ve spent most of my professional life pastoring churches—churches large enough for multiple staff and multiple worship services, and churches so small that I had to wash my own feet at communion. (Think about it!)
These days I’m not pastoring. I’m training pastors and members. I live in that grey area between “pastor” and “member” and I hear the comments and concerns of both groups. Of course, people are different. What turns one member on turns another off. What makes one member happy makes another miserable.
But I want to share some comments about pastors that seem to be fairly consistent no matter where I go. These are some things that members may not tell pastors directly, but they wish pastors knew.
WE NEED A PASTOR, NOT A PREACHER!
They really don’t mean that; what they actually want is both. But something has shifted. If I had a dollar for every time I heard this comment I’d be a rich man: “All these pastors today want to do is preach. But they can’t pastor!” Since my default is to protect pastors, I try to listen without being defensive. But it’s impossible to ignore the comments.
Fairly or unfairly, many members think that priorities have shifted and we are producing better preachers than pastors. Some of this is nostalgia, a selective memory of the “good old days.” But some of this is probably true. Preaching resources and workshops are everywhere. Gifted preachers are online and on television. It’s probably a lot easier to be a great preacher these days and the rewards seem greater.
But we live in a broken culture that’s begging for healers, for listeners, for pastors. Ministers function in many roles, but the role of shepherd is desperately needed today. The shepherd certainly feeds the flock through effective preaching and teaching, but the shepherd also loves, leads, tends, and protects the flock.
Given the size of our churches, it is not possible for one person to shepherd the congregation one by one. It seems that even Jesus could only reasonably attend to twelve. But according to Ephesians 4:12, the primary work of a pastor is to make sure that the work is being done. Shepherding is a shared responsibility, but it must start at the top.
WE WANT YOU TO SUCCEED
The vast majority of members want their pastors to succeed. I’m not talking about the weekend warriors— the frustrated few whose purpose in life seems to make everyone miserable, especially the pastor. Frankly, those people are usually badly broken and deeply hurt. And it’s true that hurt people hurt people. But for the most part, members want their pastors to succeed.
Most members want the pastor to be productive and happy. Most members want the pastor’s family to feel loved and supported. Most members dislike long and unproductive board meetings. Most members hate out-of-control business meetings. Most members want the church to grow. Most members want visitors to feel comfortable. The problem is that the handful of complainers can seem like the crowd. But they aren’t. The vast majority of church members sincerely want the pastor to succeed. When he or she succeeds, so do they.
YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING
“Omni competence”—it is the curse of leadership. It is the idea that because I can do one thing well, I can do all things well. It is a pressing problem of leaders, from the local church to the General Conference, and is particularly problematic for local pastors. Why? Because pastors are immediately confronted with people who know more about the church, the city, and the context than them. There are certain things that the members absolutely know better than the pastor!
When a pastor arrives at a church, any church, some things will be working and some things will not. Even if it works for the wrong reason, there is a reason it works and the pastor needs to discover the reason. Pastors who are convinced that their way is the only way, or always the best way, will eventually find themselves proving it—alone.
WE DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING EITHER!
Here’s a little secret many pastors don’t know: most members know that they need help.
- They know some of their fellow members are too intense!
- They know the church isn’t growing as it should.
- They know only a handful show up for business meetings.
- They know the bathrooms are dirty or in disrepair.
- They know prayer meeting is boring.
You get my drift. Pastors can get the feeling they are living on an island with no visible or vocal support. But the reality is that most members are busy Christians trying to navigate their own world. Many of them experience in their own workplace some of the same issues as the pastor. They want to do better, but they need help. And they want the pastor to help them do better.
WE’LL BE HERE WHEN YOU LEAVE
Most members have seen pastors come and go. Some churches have been the “science experiment” of starry-eyed pastors. Other churches have been the “training wheels” for young pastors. They have heard and seen it all. Since most of them will be there when the pastor leaves, the pastor should keep at least two things in mind.
Make changes that will last. Don’t move things around solely because of your taste or comfort level. Make changes consistent with the culture of the church and community. If not, the church will “put all of the furniture back” when you leave. And it will create a mess for the next pastor
Don’t start fights you can’t finish. Even necessary change is challenging. Every pastor will have battles. The problem is that people take sides. These people will be living, working, and worshipping together long after the pastor leaves. Pastors should work to resolve conflict, especially conflict that grows out of changes they started.
What do you think? Is there anything else you think members wish pastors knew?
Jesse Wilson is an associate professor of religion and theology at Oakwood University and director of PELC/Pastoral Evangelism and Leadership Council. This article was first published in Best Practices and has been lightly edited for Elder’s Digest.
